Author: Joe-Bloggs

Jeremy Corbyn to replace Trident with basket weaving

In his first serious interview since winning the Labour leadership contest, Jeremy Corbyn has stated his aim of scrapping Trident, the UK’s nuclear deterrent. “Under our far-reaching policies we will no longer need the nuclear deterrent.” he said “ In fact,” he went on puffing his chest out proudly “we won’t need any defences at all!” Asked what he would do in the event of invasion he replied that by the time he and his party had finished with the UK there would be nothing left worth invading. “We will ensure that the UK is split up and handed...

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Giant Welsh orgasm fills Twickenham and drowns English rugby fans

Twickenham rugby stadium turned into a deadly giant swimming pool of Welsh sperm as every Welshman simultaneously exploded in an orgasm releasing 100 times their bodyweight in semen drowning every English rugby fan. Luckily no Welsh rugby fans were killed becasue the explosion fired the Welshmen into the Owain Glyndwr pub in Cardiff, whilst women fans were saved as a red dragon swept down, carried them away and safely dropped them off across the Severn Bridge. However, it is believed that all the surviving women are now pregnant with George North’s children. The Prince of Wales survived the disaster by making a raft of...

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EU to Welcome Martian Asylum Seekers

With news believed to be imminent that NASA has found life on Mars, the European Union is expected to extend a welcome to all Martian asylum seekers wishing to leave the Red Planet. Not only is the planet under immediate threat of invasion, the three billion remaining Martians are also running short of water and food. “We must do humane thing,” said an EU spokesperson “as we are being told that Ming the Merciless is about to attack Mars in order to extract its redness for his robes as well as all the water for his galactic swimming pool....

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Photo discovered of Prince Harry looking nothing like James Hewitt

A photograph has been discovered of Prince Harry looking absolutely nothing like James Hewitt whatsoever. The discovery was made in Bengbu, China by Mr Imay Bee Wong as he went through some holiday photos taken two years ago whilst staying in London. “I was showing my neighbours some photos of our trip to London when one photo jumped out at me. It was a selfie of myself with some dark haired chap and a Romanian accent who revealed to me that he was Prince Harry and the photo was taken in the Rose and Cross Inn in Stepney. “He said that if I gave...

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Jeremy Corbyn spotted not looking odd

Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn has been spotted not looking odd in anyway shape or form. Queueing in a West London coffee shop for a latte, Jeremy Corbyn was seen standing perfectly still with a smile on his face, not making any odd expressions or exhibiting and strange behavior. Mrs Gladys McCartney of Lower Sweatshop avenue North Woolwich said “I was most shocked and thought it I must have had my frappuccino spiked with LSD, he really did seem to be normal and his demeanor was not odd in any way.” The Labour party has released the following statement: “It is...

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