‘Extreme Phone Pinching’ Declared Cruel and Inhumane

Extreme Phone Pinching

Human rights groups have come out in force against the latest craze to hit the streets – ‘Extreme Phone Pinching’

We just don’t know what physical and mental damage is being done to these poor smartphones” said a representative of the Royal Society for the Protection of Mobile Devices, “We could end up, damaging them for life, if not physically then at least on a mental level”.

This new fad is designed to test the resolve and opposable thumb and finger strength of phone users, who ‘pinch’ the phone and hold it over some danger such a cliff edge or drain hole cover for as long as they can. The unfortunate outcome is that the phone stares into danger for lengthy periods and, if the owner is weak in the fingers or more likely the head, the phone plummets to injury or death.

The psychological damage that will occur could be disastrous.” said professor Terence E Lecombe. “If we see this go wrong we may see smartphones cracking up under the strain in their thousands. Many will no longer be able to function properly and it could cause the untimely death of many devoted mobiles. this uncalled for violence against defenceless members of our community must stop forthwith.”

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It is understood that Apple is rushing out a Stop Pinching App that causes the phone to scream loudly and contact the police with an automated message and location data to deploy the armed police and have an engineer on hand as soon as possible.

Reports are now flooding in of phones that have been subjected to Extreme Phone Pinching gibbering, only working intermittently or succumbing to their injuries.

I have been called out far too many times in the last few days to administer the last rites to these unfortunate souls.” said Father Ringum of the United Mobile Church “We really should be treating them with more respect.”

 

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