“I know that I recently wanted to help those nice ISIS people and Bomb Assad to hell and back,” said the UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, “but, call me Mr Flip Flop, I think I’ve changed my mind.”
A downing Street spokesperson said “This is a masterful stroke by the PM in the best traditions of UK diplomacy and foreign policy that keeps the whole world guessing as to what the UK is up to. We will though leave no stone unturned in making sure that Syria remains a beacon of the benefits of Western involvement for decades to come. And we are of course ready to put Assad’s picture back on the dartboard at a moment’s notice, as we’re getting used to U-Turns here.”
A Ministry of Defence spokesperson said that operations could be stepped up to include Syria despite cut-backs. It is believed we have a couple of missiles and a bomb left in a warehouse near Kettering and a (possibly working) jet fighter-bomber had been located and was being de-cobwebbed and taken out of mothballs.
“All our remaining missiles and bombs though are now near or past their sell by dates,” said the spokesperson “so we’ve either got to find someone to shoot them at or do the usual and sell them quietly to a group of fundamentalists. So this move by Cameron is quite fortuitous. But I think I can tell you that, right after bombing ISIS, it will be quickly back to ‘bomb Assad’”