Someone called Roy has beaten what many saw as the favourite and inevitable incumbent, Our ‘Arry Redknapp, to the post as England football team manager.

The surprise winner of the poisoned chalice of world sport seemed, from his hugely wide grin, to be delighted to get the job. Or was it just rigor mortis setting in early?

Roy ______? does have previous footballing experience with one of the more obscure English clubs we are told, but not many people outside of the world of football were even aware of his existence until the announcement was made.

On accepting the four year contract Roy ______? said that he was looking forward to the job and the rewards it would bring (misguided fool). He is obviously oblivious to the fact that, unless he wins every single game by a huge convincing margin, he will soon go from being Roy ______? to Roy BeGone! Probably after the first game as second chances do not come with this particular job!

He should also get used to seeing his face transposed by the press onto all sorts of differing garden vegetables – and probably worse – as time goes on.

We did however manage to get a peek inside his notebook, which on page one was headed ‘Excuses’ followed by 1. The sun got in our eyes. 2. It was the wrong sort of grass. 3. The ball was too round. 4. Our goalmouth was bigger than there’s.5. It was too hot. 6. It was too cold. So at least he is making a solid start.


Wembley Stadium by Lewis Clarke

Wembley Stadium by Lewis Clarke

Image by Lewis Clarke [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons