With news believed to be imminent that NASA has found life on Mars, the European Union is expected to extend a welcome to all Martian asylum seekers wishing to leave the Red Planet.
Not only is the planet under immediate threat of invasion, the three billion remaining Martians are also running short of water and food.
[adsenseyu1]“We must do humane thing,” said an EU spokesperson “as we are being told that Ming the Merciless is about to attack Mars in order to extract its redness for his robes as well as all the water for his galactic swimming pool. We must therefore take all the Martian asylum seekers that wish to come to the earth.”
Flash Gordon himself has been recalled to service to pilot a spacecraft to seek them out and bring them back – the ‘SS Welcome All’, a vessel specially commissioned by the EU and paid for by the few remaining solvent nations in it.
“Sadly” continued the EU spokesperson “we are experiencing some nasty episodes of Martianphobia and many ‘Little Earthers’ are coming out with Greenist comments. These will not be tolerated and anyone who does not welcome them with two open arms to return their four armed hugs will be sent for re-orientation.”
Martians are believed to be green, have a unicycle type mobility system as opposed to human legs, four arms, seven eyes and two tubes for sticking in their enemies ears to suck their brains out – the brains of women and children are especially prized. It is understood that we lost a dozen ambassadors by this method before we were able to convince them of our friendly intentions. But once they knew that we came in peace and that they could come to our plentiful planet, would be given food and somewhere to live amongst billions of people the Martians licked their tubes and went all misty eyed. We are told that the Martian ambassador explained that this was their way of showing gratitude.