The Joe Bloggs Times has, through bribery, deception and theft, managed to obtained details of the questions that the British electorate will be asked about the UK’s future relationship with the EU.
The questions themselves have been framed by the German President Angela Merkel and approved by the EU President Herman Van Rompuy after vetting by the European Union Commission.
The plan had been for the questions to be sprung on the electorate with as little notice as possible to prevent the people of Britain being ‘distracted’ by nationalistic talk. The people would have been told via Radio 4 on the morning of what would be called a ‘snap referendum’ and the one polling booth available would be somewhere in the Outer Hebrides.
Only a turnout of over 60% with 100% voting for the UK to leave the EU would be enough to trigger parliamentary debates on the subject.
The three main parties would then be spared the embarrassment of having to try and convince the people to vote for something they obviously don’t want, i.e. to stay within the EU system.
All three main party leaders have been heavily involved in the planning and had been prepared to say that this referendum shows that they are listening to the will of the people.
The questions are as follows: