Simon Cowell has not only claimed responsibility for Cheryl Cole’s rise to fame but also for that is good in the world.

The extraordinary outburst by the tone deaf weeble has come as a shock to the increasingly stupid British public.

Simon Cowell fans from across the country were cueing up at a book signing in London’s prestigious The Kindle Will Kill Us book shop to get a signed copy of his new book entitled “I am rich because you are thick”.

It was at this signing that 12 year old Alfred Parsons approached Cowell to get his copy signed.

Alfred asked Cowell what he thought of Chery Cole’s rise to fame to which Cowell replied “It was because of me her career took off and no one else had anything to do with it except me”.

Young Parsons was taken aback so he probed further “OK so what do you think of the music of the Beatles?”

“Me, I made the Beatles who they are today” replied Cowell.

Speaking to The Joe Bloggs Times with an accompanying adult, Alfred said “I could not believe what I was hearing and I needed to know the full extent to which Cowell has enriched our planet so I continued with my questioning”.

Parsons went on to asked Simon “What is your favourite food?”

Simon said “All food that is nice is because I made it nice if it were not for me then Italian, Chinese and Indian food would have never been discovered” 

“If you ever get to see the sun set over the beach it is because I found the sun and put it there and I am also responsible for the glockenspiel and pan pipes “.

Simon Cowell is currently in a ratings battle against BBC show, The Voice, which Simon apparently also takes credit for along with 70s show, Opportunity Knocks.

“I came up with the idea for television and all good shows which are aired on it…..did you know I made drinking water popular?”


Simon Cowell

Simon Cowell by Wiki edit Jonny

Wiki edit Jonny at en.wikipedia [GFDL ( or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], from Wikimedia Commons